he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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