You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize