and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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