margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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