That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize