Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
