just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
