Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
