Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
