Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
