If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
