ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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