I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
