i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
