Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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