No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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