Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
