Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize