When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
