his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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