farters have to be the big spoon...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
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Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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