Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We need to rekindle our bromance
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
