Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
