We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize