oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
