he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize