just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
