There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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