Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
