the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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