just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
