Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
