id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
