I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
