I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
