remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
