So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
