Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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