So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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