And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
