I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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