I hate your face
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
try to milk me bitch
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