he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
