2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just tell him i said nine months
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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