I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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