My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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