I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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