Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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