i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
