i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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