I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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