my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
