i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am available for nakedness
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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