I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
