you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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