I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize