God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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