I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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