The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
