so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
