1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize