I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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