Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
