Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize