Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
