My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's the barista slut.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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