singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
