We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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