I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
