Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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