SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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