dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
