C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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