The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
