You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
