just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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