I think my fart just growled at me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
