y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
