I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
