My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
