I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
