So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize