In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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