i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
