The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Drunk is not a location!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize