That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Found the puke drawer
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
