im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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