I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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