I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize