I just saw a hot homeless man
dude i'm inner monologue high
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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