you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize