I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
