capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
