You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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